Reminiscence
by Natasha N. Leigh
Summary: Ashelia B'Nargin Dalmasca has always been one to have loved and lost. Before she and her friends invade the Sky Fortress Bahamut, she looks back on her moments of love...and her moments of sheer passion.
1. The Night Before The Invasion

**Title: Reminiscence**

**Author: Belle Auteur  
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**Pairings: Ashe x Rasler, Ashe/Amalia x Vossler, Ashe/Amalia x Vayne, Ashe x Vaan, Ashe x Basch, Ashe x Balthier, Balthier x Fran (friendship)**

**Summary: Ashelia B'Nargin Dalmasca has always been one to have loved and lost. Before she and her friends invade the Sky Fortress Bahamut, she looks back on her moments of love...and her moments of sheer passion.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to Final Fantasy XII, but wouldn't it be cool if I did?**

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**Author's Note: This is my first fan fiction in a few years, so be gentle with me. I bruise easily. Now with that aside, here we go! Let me also say that in this chapter; I added a little honor to Priestess of Groove, whose story "Illusion of Freedom" is one of my favorites. Priestess of Groove, you'll know the honor when you see it.**

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**Prologue: The Night Before the Invasion**

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It was three in the morning and Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca couldn't sleep. In a few hours, her and her rag-tag band of resistance members was supposed to invade the Sky Fortress Bahamut and finally bring down Vayne Solidor, once and for all. Not all of them were going to make it out alive, she knew that for sure. However, that didn't mean that she was prepared for it. She had lost a lot of people in her life and she was not ready to lose more of them. In a way, she had lost herself and along the way, she had started to find it again with each and every one of the people that had volunteered to help her in her task to get her kingdom back.

Vaan had given her the curiosity and sheer will that he had. Penelo had given her the innocence that the young girl embodied. Basch had given her protection when she needed it the most. Fran had given her strength when she thought that she had no more, and Balthier…Well, Balthier had taken her ring and given her a living fit. But, she figured that he had given her tolerance for ornery mad scientist's sons turned sky pirates. Whatever way it went, she had become more whole than she had been. When she looked back on whom she used to be and what she used to do, she couldn't believe that she was that person and she did those things. However, she didn't feel bad about her actions, thoughts and words back then. She had been taught by her father to do any and everything to survive, and she did. He would've been proud of her.

She sat up in her bed and watched as her friends slept soundly. She was amazed by how impending doom was almost as good as warm milk to them, especially Vaan. The boy was very physically fit, but he could snore like an eighty year old man. It amused Ashe that he snored like that, and there was many a night when Basch and Penelo pushed him to his side so he could stop. He sounded like a blow horn when he slept on his back, and it was hilarious at times. Basch was a light sleeper, perhaps from being imprisoned for two years for allegedly killing Ashe's father. She had spent so long hating him and glad that he had been executed but in the end, her heart hurt because of what he had to endure. Fran was a deep sleeper, though her ears twitched like a Hume that talked in their sleep. Ashe could see the dynamic of Balthier and Fran's relationship whenever she watched them sleep. Balthier would turn in the opposite direction that Fran slept, turning to face her whenever she turned.

It was so clear that he looked to Fran for protection: From the world, from his father, from himself. Fran was there for him, and he appreciated that more than he probably appreciated his life. He talked in his sleep sometimes, as well. He would have one sided conversations about his past and the trespasses that were made against him in his youth. On the night that his father died; Balthier started to cry in his sleep. He was unaware that he was doing it, but he refused to let anyone comfort him. Finally, Fran took him in her arms and his sobs subsided soon after. Fran ended up going to sleep wrapped around him, and he relaxed, like he was in the arms of his mother.

Penelo was also a light sleeper. She tossed and turned every other minute and Ashe had to stroke her hair on occasion to calm the young girl. Ashe had once wished for a little sister and if she'd had one, she wished that she was like Penelo. The girl was so innocent, and Ashe did regret that the young girl had to go on this journey. Penelo tried so hard to protect Vaan from himself, and Ashe thought that it wasn't fair to her. Vaan was potentially an accident waiting to happen, but he and Penelo did care for one another. Their affection towards each other reminded Ashe of how she was towards a young man at that age. She and Rasler were inseparable when she was seventeen and then, her world fell apart a million bricks at a time.

Before she would let herself think about the bad things in her life; she walked over to Penelo and stroked the side of the young girl's face. Penelo smiled in her sleep and started to mumble something that she was obviously telling someone in her dreams. Ashe smiled sadly and prayed to the gods that Penelo would not be the one whose life was lost when they went to defeat Vayne once the sun rose. Then, she walked back to her bed and lied down on her pillow, hoping that she would be able to get some sleep this time. By then, Balthier was beginning to talk in his sleep again. This time, he was talking about a friend named Marskot, and his migraines. Fran unconsciously touched Balthier's hand and he calmed with a sigh. Ashe turned her back to the rest of the group and immediately thought about her beloved Rasler. With that strength, she closed her eyes and allowed sleep to envelope her.


	2. Fragile

**Title: Reminiscence**

**Author: Belle Auteur  
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**Pairings: Ashe x Rasler, Ashe/Amalia x Vossler, Ashe/Amalia x Vayne, Ashe x Vaan, Ashe x Basch, Ashe x Balthier, Balthier x Fran (friendship)**

**Summary: Ashelia B'Nargin Dalmasca has always been one to have loved and lost. Before she and her friends invade the Sky Fortress Bahamut, she looks back on her moments of love...and her moments of sheer passion.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to Final Fantasy XII, but wouldn't it be cool if I did?**

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**Author's Note****: This chapter is about Ashe and Rasler. The setting is two days before her seventeenth birthday. Since the game never said how old Rasler was, I'm putting him at eighteen, so don't get too mad. Remember, I bruise easily! This chapter is also where the adult situations begin. So divert your eyes and cover your ears, those who are under seventeen!**

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**Chapter One: Fragile**

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**'_Cause I'm fragile when I hear your name, _

_Fragile when you call,_

_Used to be the nearest thing to love,_

_And I'm fragile when I hear you speak, _

_Fragile, feeling small, _

_Used to be the closest thing to love_

~ Kylie Minogue, Fragile

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Ashe was sitting in the Galbana lily field behind the Royal Palace in Nabradia, running her fingers over the flower petals when she heard footsteps approaching her. She turned to the direction of those footsteps and a smile broke out on her face once she saw that it was her beloved Rasler. Rasler Heios Nabradia was eighteen years old and training to be the general of his father's army. In fact, he had just returned from training. Rasler had been raised a king first and a soldier second. Ashe wondered how he was going to be as a husband, but she came to the conclusion that she was only going to be able to learn how to be a wife when she was married. So, Rasler was only going to be able to learn that way as well. Ashe looked forward to their impending wedding and since Galbana lilies were her favorite flowers; she decided that she was going to have a lot of them at the cathedral when the wedding happened. The one thing that Ashe didn't want to wait for was the wedding night.

She and Rasler had talked about sex numerous times as they grew older and though she was still a virgin, she knew that Rasler had been with a few women. His family insisted that he was to learn how to pleasure a woman before he married, and Ashe found herself becoming more and more fearful the more that they discussed it after he had lost his virginity at thirteen. She had read books on the subject and learned about positions and different things. She studied it like it was a subject in school. She wanted to be good for him. She wanted it to be good for both of them. She wanted to go ahead and get it over with, though, because the fear and anticipation was far too much to bear.

Her beloved looked down at her and twirled a flower between his fingers as he bent down to her and said, "What are you thinking about so tough?"

She smiled even wider and leaned in closer to him while she replied, "Us, being together, the wedding, everything. I can't wait to be your wife, Rasler."

"I can't wait, either. I am going to love being your husband." Rasler looked distracted.

"What is wrong, Rasler?"

"The papers in Bhujerba are saying that our relationship is a ruse, my love. I hate that everyone thinks that our relationship is one of convenience."

"Rasler, don't worry about what the others are saying. What happens between us is only between us, no one else."

"I know. I know, but I'm going to be King once we're married. How we're perceived to the people is most important. Ashelia. The people have to see how much we are in love."

Ashe threw a flower down on her lap, "What should we do, Rasler? Should we televise our wedding night? Should we tell our deepest, darkest secrets to the papers? If we're not pleasing everyone now, we're never going to! Our marriage should be about the two of us, my love, not the world. We can't follow the rules all the time, and I don't want to. If I am to be Queen of Dalmasca, and of Nabradia, shouldn't we be allowed to do whatever we want, not what everyone else wants?"

She thought about her last words and looked down at the flowers. She wanted to tell him her deepest desire, but he followed the rules and he wanted to do everything perfectly. She knew that she couldn't possibly tell him that she wanted to make love in that field, at that moment, with the sun on their bodies. She didn't know why the mood struck her at the moment, but seeing the way that her beloved Rasler looked at her so lovingly was so arousing. Rasler used his thumb and his forefinger to lift her face to his and whisper, "What is it, Ashelia? What's wrong?"

She looked into his extreme blue eyes and took a deep breath, "Rasler, make love to me now. I know that we should wait, but I can't. We can't. We shouldn't."

The last part came out as a whisper and Rasler looked down at the woman that he was getting ready to marry soon. He ran his fingers through her hair and she pressed her lips to his in haste. She didn't want him to say no, to pull away, especially now that he was so close. She tried to persuade his mouth to open and follow hers, but he was resistant at first. It took more coaxing and then, he followed. They kissed each other as if they were air and one another were suffocating. He put her face between his hands and kissed her passionately, so passionately. She tugged at his tunic and finally got it over his head, letting it fall to the grass behind them. When he didn't pull away, she finally realized that she was going to get her wish.

He untied the laces of her blouse and kissed down her neck to the mounds of her breasts. Her fingers weaved themselves in his flaxen hair and she moaned with sensations that she had never felt before. He pushed the shirt off of her and kissed her neck and shoulders. Each of his kisses was like bites of fire on her skin, and she gasped at the feel of each of them. Then, he took her breast into his mouth and Ashe's eyes fluttered open. He suckled on her firm enough to send shivers up her spine and he did the same to her other breast, as he put his hand on her stomach to lay her down on the grass, in the flowers. Once she was on her back and looking up at him; he kissed his way up her body and slid his hand between her thighs, which were trembling with fear and anticipation. He moved the damp crotch of her panties to the side and caressed her softened flesh there while he kissed her and felt her pant against his lips. She moved against his hand and gasped to let him know how good it felt. He responded to her gasps by sinking his fingers into her and moving them within her warmth.

When she felt that she was absolutely ready for him; she let out an audible moan, unable to form words. He took his fingers from between her legs and nervously fumbled with the laces of his pants. Ashe watched him nervously and let out a yelp when he penetrated her. He was still for a moment, really trying to decide whether this was going to be worth hurting his beloved more, but she made the decision for him when she started to move underneath him. She wasn't moving to make him feel good as much as to ease the pressure that she felt inside of her body. The fullness of him was uncomfortable, and she hadn't expected it. Finally, Rasler started to move in and out of her and the pressure eased. Finally, it started to feel good.

Ashe did imagine the moment to be much better than it was. She imagined that they were both naked and after a sufficient amount of kissing, they would've made love passionately. There was no pain or discomfort in her fantasy, and she certainly didn't fantasize that her skirt would be up to her waist, but she was with her love and that was the point. He was giving her what she wanted, and she was supposed to happy. Besides, they had their wedding night to get it right.

It was over before either of them got the most of it. Rasler was so nervous and Ashe wasn't quite as ready as she thought that she would be. In a hurry, Rasler moved away from Ashe and spilled his essence into the flowers. She sat up and found a bit of blood among the flowers they'd crushed. Trying to push away as much disappointment away as she could, she pushed her hair behind her ear and touched Rasler's bare shoulder. He turned to look at her apologetically and said, "I'm sorry, Ashe. I thought that it would be better than that. Did I hurt you?"

Ashe smiled comfortingly at him and replied, "I'm fine. Don't be disappointed. We still have our wedding night to make it perfect, Rasler."

Rasler kissed her and got dressed while she put her shirt back on and gathered the belongings that she had brought out to the field with her. When her fiancée walked back to the castle, Ashe sighed deeply and looked down at the flowers again. She hoped that they would get it right when their wedding night arrived, and she hoped that her betrothed would stop treating her like she was fragile like glass.


	3. One by One

**Title: Reminiscence**

**Author: Belle Auteur**

**Pairings: Ashe x Rasler, Ashe/Amalia x Vossler, Ashe/Amalia x Vayne, Ashe x Vaan, Ashe x Basch, Ashe x Balthier, Balthier x Fran (friendship)**

**Summary: Ashelia B'Nargin Dalmasca has always been one to have loved and lost. Before she and her friends invade the Sky Fortress Bahamut, she looks back on her moments of love...and her moments of sheer passion.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to Final Fantasy XII, but wouldn't it be cool if I did?**

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**Author's Note: This chapter is about Balthier, Ashe and Fran. I know that the discussion between them seems a bit out of place right now, but it will make sense later in the story. Keep reading and reviewing, people! Read and review!**

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**Chapter 2: One By One**

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_There's no peace,_

_When you close your eyes,  
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_I'm all out of truth,_

_I'm out of alibis…_

~ Cher, One by One

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The morning had come far too quickly and Balthier found himself dreading what was going to happen in a few hours. He was in the hangar, absently running his hands over the metal of the Strahl, the only love in his life that would never break his heart. He'd had a hard time getting to sleep the night before, and the bags under his eyes proved it for him. He was hardly in top leading man form. Ever since Balthier told Vaan that the boy was going to inherit the Strahl if anything "untoward" were to happen to him, he questioned his mortality. Balthier had involved himself in the murder of his own father. Should he have even had the right to go on living his life after doing such a thing? Yes, such things were on the Leading Man's mind and though he didn't know it, he revealed all of his doubts when he slept. He tiredly ran his fingers through his hair and went into the ship to make sure everything was up to snuff. Even if he were to die, his ship would survive. It had to survive. If he lost his ship, he would pretty much empty all of his bullets into his own brains. Well…he doubted that he would actually do all of that, but he would be very heartbroken.

He had to admit that he admired Vaan, and trusted the boy with the Strahl more than he was willing to tell anyone. When Vaan first seen the Strahl, the look in his eyes was exactly the same as the look that Balthier had when he had first bought the ship with the funds that he had stolen from his accounts when he ran away from Archades. The light in the boy's eyes just proved to Balthier that maybe he could trust the kid after all. Balthier also had to admit that he liked how loyal Penelo was to Vaan. She was as loyal to Vaan as Fran was to him. However, it was clear to Balthier that Fran would never love him, not in the way that he wanted to be loved. He wanted the no-frills stuff, the uncomplicated thing. He just wanted sex.

In his mind, sex equated to love, and he felt that sex was the only love that he was able to give. He also felt that sex was the only type of love that he wanted to be given. Fran loved him like a brother, protected him when he needed it, and forgave his trespasses when he made them. She even let his persistent sarcasm and narcissistic attitude slide on the merit that he had father issues. He knew that Fran would never hurt him intentionally, but she did hurt every time he asked her to love him the way that he wanted to be loved and she refused him.

It had only happened three times. Balthier had counted and memorized it in that big brain of his. There were only three chances that he had to persuade Fran that they should've been together in that way all of the time. Each time had been different than the time before and each time they were together, Balthier was thrown off guard and surprised. He had to have been the only Hume that could say that he had sex with a Viera, and it was phenomenal every time. However, he didn't know what to expect whenever it happened, and the thrill of it was beyond words.

The first time that they were together; it was so wild and rushed and dangerous. They had barely known each other at the time. She had gone against her better judgment to travel with him to Rozzaria, and they had ended up arrested and detained in the same cell. Rozzarians believed in leaving alcohol in the jail cells. The second time that they were together, Balthier had been given the good fortune to initiate it. Fran wasn't as frantic as she had been the first time, and the entire thing bordered on romantic. The last time that they were together, they spent five hours taking each other as if the world was going to end that night. Of course, Balthier was volunteering to turn himself in to get executed that following morning, but it never happened. She saved him just in the nick of time. When it came to sex, Viera women were totally different than Hume women in every way, and Balthier swore that he would've moved to Eruyt Village and spent all of the rest of his days with Viera women if they weren't so damn mean.

Ashe, however, was a completely different story. He couldn't put words to their encounter, if he could call it that. He could barely remember that night and what happened between him and the Princess. All that he knew was that emotions were involved, as was copious amounts of alcohol. Balthier did love to drink, especially when he felt his emotions boiling to the surface. He was a leading man, and a leading man's performance was completely based on performing.

Nobody knew the real Balthier, except perhaps Fran. Not only did she know the real Balthier, she knew _Ffamran_. She knew who he really was underneath all of those layers that everyone seen as Balthier, the leading man. His relationship with Fran was one sided, however. She would not talk of her life before leaving her home, and he had no idea that she even had sisters before they went to Eruyt Village. Despite all of Fran's faults, Balthier would not be who he was without her.

As he was falling deeper into a trance over his beautiful ship, a soft hand touched his shoulder. He turned around reluctantly and found Ashe standing behind him, with concern in her eyes. He took a step back and she said, "So, what are you up to?"

He bristled and replied, "Just listening to what my girl wants if I'm going to expect no complications from her today. We've done a lot to her as of late and I don't want us to fall out of the sky and die in a fiery crash when we're on our way to the Bahamut. If we're going to die, I'd rather it be by Vayne's hands and the nethicite. Damned nethicite. If I wasn't careful, I'd think that it was the bane of my existence."

Ashe looked at him and thought about what he'd just said. She didn't tell him that he'd said the same thing about the nethicite the night when they'd had their encounter, if she could call it that. She couldn't remember a lot about that night, but she did remember those words. He had changed after his father's death, but Ashe figured that a man would change if he had helped to murder his father. She just worried that he would hate her for it. She'd had a part to play when it came to Doctor Cid's demise, but she knew that Venat had really done away with him. Venat didn't think him worthy of anything anymore. Balthier had finally bested his father, and almost lost Fran in the process. Luckily, Fran had come out of it alive and Balthier didn't have to plague himself with guilt about running away from Archades anymore. However, he was now plaguing himself with guilt about his father's death. Ashe was sorry that his choosing to help her made his life more complicated and possibly more miserable.

Balthier took a screwdriver out of one of the pouches that his belt held and tapped it against his temple. After a moment, he went under the ship and Ashe exclaimed, "Balthier, are you ever going to talk to me again? I mean, what happened in the Cerobi Steppe…it happened. It's alright to talk about it."

"There's nothing to talk about, Princess. We had drunk heavily that night and we took a walk. Do you remember what happened after that? I certainly don't. If you do, I would be glad if you could enlighten me about the night's events. And to answer your question, we are talking right now. So, I assume that I'm talking to you still."

Ashe couldn't see the expression on his face, but she could imagine that it was one of annoyance. Everyone was on edge, though. Vaan had even kissed Fran full on the lips and told her that she was the "hottest bunny-woman alive." After Fran had gotten over the shock of the kiss, she kneed Vaan in the crotch and managed to even get Basch to laugh. Penelo turned a funny shade of red, but she remained silent. Ashe figured that Penelo was probably jealous, but that was expected. However, she was worried about Balthier. To her, Balthier was no longer the sarcastic leading man that he had been. He had _changed_, but to what? What had she turned him into? What had that night made him into? What had that night made her into? Tears filled her eyes when she thought that he would never be the same man that he was before he met her, and she pushed them away hurriedly with the back of her hand. Balthier looked at her for a moment and turned back to the ship before she could catch him.

He wanted to go home, but he no longer had a home. Even the Strahl had become unfamiliar to him, to an extent. He had known that he should've left well enough alone, but he hadn't and he was probably paying for it.

Balthier and Ashe were still in silence when Fran walked into the hangar. When he saw his partner in crime, he took a deep breath and said, "She's almost ready, Fran. I don't think we've much longer until we reach the climax of this little journey."

Ashe excused herself from the conversation that Balthier chose to have over her and Fran looked at him with disappointment. Though he felt for her as much as he possibly could, he knew that it was not reciprocal. She adored him immensely, but she knew that his heart was still young, still unknowing of love. After a moment, he turned back to his ship and Fran replied, "You hurt her more than you think."

"Well, she can take care of herself. She's proved that more than once."

"Again, your eyes betray your heart."

Balthier wondered how she could see so clearly through him, even though his back was to her. He remained silent. He knew that Fran cared deeply for him, and he was grateful for her. She didn't like it, but his devotion to her was as good as her being an extension of his father, back when his father wasn't so mad. He was still young, and Fran was sure that he would find someone who he would care for more than he did her, but she knew that he was content with what was happening between them at that place in time. She knew that he would only die if she was by his side.


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